I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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