I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
