Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
