Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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