Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
