Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
