we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
