My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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