I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
