I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
