so that wasnt chicken after all
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
