He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so much tequila, so little girl.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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