so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
