Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
