i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
