words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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