I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
