Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
