I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
