I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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