do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
