don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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