I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
