Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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