What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
