A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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