I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
