Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
