I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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