Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
