I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
