There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
