she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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