So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
