Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
