my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you win again, gameday.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
