I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
