so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
