There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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