It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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