I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As shirtless as possible
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
