So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
