i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
