Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
