he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
