Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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