Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
