Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
