she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
