i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize