They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
