return my video game
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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