It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
